Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Someone else's kid

I know that my title says I'm a first time mom. Which is technically true since only one child has come out of my who-ha. But there was a time, not long ago that I was raising someone else's child.

I've been going back and forth on wanting to tell this story. But I think I do... So here it goes.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent (ok or just myself)

6 years ago, my sister D, found out she was pregnant. I'm 99% sure it was an accident, but who really knows. She was shocked, as was her boyfriend. They were only 19. They weren't sure what they wanted to do. I should say, she wanted the baby, the boyfriend, J, did not.

At the time, Casey and I were newly married and pretty stable. We offered to adopt the baby. Knowing full well it would be a difficult situation. We were even going to hire my sister to be the nanny so that she would still be involved. (looking back I now see that was a horrible idea) Doesn't matter anyways because my sister said we were trying to steal her baby and to have our own kids.

9 months later, little D popped out. I didn't get to be at the hospital because I was at the airport picking up my mom, who thought it was a good idea to take a trip 2 weeks before she was due. But as soon as I held little D I was in love.  I cried the whole way home. He was the first baby for either side of mine or Casey's family.

 We spent lots of time with little D. Casey even took him to his first car show at 2 weeks old.

To say we were a proud aunt and uncle is an understatement.
Things went well for a while, D and J even bought a house down the street from us. D stayed home with little D while J worked. Now I'm not really sure what went on, but what I do know is D nagged J a lot about working so much. But D liked to spend the money. Anyways, being 20 somethings played into I am sure and they broke up.
We let her and little D move in with us. They lived here for about 2 months. (she brought a pitbull puppy also that was supposed to be found a home. I think she was thinking we'd let her keep it. But after it ate my brand new deck and the steering wheel of my truck, I was the one that drove the dog to the humane society. And yes I still cry to this day over it because I think they put him to sleep. Oh and yes she did have to pay the $400 for a new steering wheel)

She found a job and went back to work. I had just quit my job and started working for my dad. So, being the awesome person I am volunteered to watch little D free of charge. (he was over 1 by now) We had a great time together going out to the job site and just playing.

My sister decided it was a good time to act her age of 21. She started picking little D up later and later. Lying about where she was (saying she was at work) and soon found herself living in a vodka bottle.
Unfortunatly we watched all of this happen. We had little D 95% of the time. And the other 5 % we worried about what was going on. We wanted to take custody of him. Just so he would have some sort of normal life. He felt safe with us. But I was worried about calling CPS. I didn't want them to take him away from us because of her. (the dad J wasn't / isn't really in the picture. Comes and goes when he feels like it)

As a way to make up all the money I was spending on little D (not that its all about money, I was hoping it would make her more responsible. silly me), I started charging her $85 a week for daycare. Which I never really got paid. But I was to the point where I had to buy him clothes because he didn't have any. Never had any shoes either. I paid for him to go do normal kid activities like go to the zoo, the pumpkin patch, children's museum etc.

We went thru most of his firsts without her being around. I potty trained him, taught him manners and behavior, letters and numbers. Casey family accepted him at all the family events. He was with us anyways. Bought him Christmas gifts, and birthday presents. We took him on family trips to the ocean and camping.

After little D's 4th birthday, I found out I was pregnant with Jakah. We didn't think anything of it. We were excited to have both of them with us. My sister decided to have little D spend less time with us. Said we had our own family now. (which of course wasn't how we felt at all)

Right after Jakah was born my sister found out she was pregnant. And she had lost her job. She lied about the hours she was working and was caught. Really its a good thing she got pregnant because it made her stop drinking. And really look at the choices she made in her life.

Unfortunatly she burned a lot of bridges. Casey won't talk to her anymore because of all the lying. I tolerated her lying, so I could see little D. She moved back home with my parents and doesn't let us see little D as often anymore.

Which makes me really sad. I feel like a part of me was ripped out. It tore me apart. How do you go from raising someone for over 3 years to not being able to see him.  It was a horrible situation all around. And I don't know if I honestly handled it the way I should have. I still cry sometimes because I miss seeing him. When at the store I find myself thinking how much little D would like that toy, book, shirt or food. Now I am forced / blessed to go back to just being his "Awesome Aunt Hottie" (he couldn't say Audie and called me Hottie)

Last weekend was the first time he has spent the night in over 6 months. He went home and told his mom that she was more like his aunt and Casey and I were his mom and dad. and that when she died, he was coming to live with us. As a mom, I can't imagine being told that. But I also don't know what she would expect. She wasn't there for the most important years of his life.

So even though I am a first time mom, I have raised another child who I don't get to see as much anymore.
And I miss him so very much

Of course this is a shortened story of everything that happened because honestly my family is DRAMA

1 comment:

  1. "D" is so lucky to have "Aunt Hottie" and "Meatball" in his life. He is such a sweet little boy thanks to you guys! You are such an amazing mother, sister, daughter, wife, and most importantly BFF!


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