Tomorrow my husband will take Jakah camping in Ocean Shores with his entire family. This is something we do every year. This is the first time in 10 years I won't be joining them.
|Its no secret that I am not a huge fan of camping|
We decided that camping with a newborn sounds horrific. Its windy, and cold, and again they are camping. So I am staying home with Jensen.
It is the longest I will ever be away from Jakah.
I have so many emotions about this.
I am excited, I will get a little break. Casey will be in charge for 4 days. Sure he'll have help from his family, but its the longest he will spend with Jakah without me. He will do fine. I am hopeful that he will see what its like to be around him constantly like I am. Perhaps a little glimpse into my daily life. (of course he will have tons of help and things to entertain each other, and no baby)
I am sad. 4 days might not seem like much, but its a pretty long time. Seriously there has never been a day where I have not seen Jakah. And while most days, I am exhausted by the end of the night, and excited for him to go to bed. I am sad that I won't get to see him the next day.
Excited again, because it will just be me and the baby. Go shopping at the mall, sure its easy with a newborn. Friends want to meet for breakfast or lunch, why not? I'll only have one kid who sleeps all the time instead of trying to manage two in a restaurant.
It's 4 days where I can do / go anything I want. (well mostly, I can't take a baby to the casino or the bar!) Watch whatever I want on TV? Sure there's no kid here requesting "Einsteins or Mickey's House" Jensen wants me to just sit and hold him all day, OK I won't have to chase a toddler around, or clean the house since we aren't as messy.
Then I am sad again, I will miss him. While he is a toddler and frustrates me, He is also funny and makes me laugh. What will I do without having to chase a toddler around?
Its the first time he actually realizes he is going somewhere. I don't know if he comprehends it, but he talks about going to the ocean. And riding in papa's truck.
I hope they have fun. But not too much fun without me!
I hope its a good break for Jakah and myself to be apart. I hope he misses me, but I wonder if he will even notice I am not around. Will he be sad? Will he care that I am not there? Am I being selfish secretly hoping he will miss me?
So its going to be 4 long days..... It might not seem like much, but to me its a lifetime.