The reality of parents getting older

I don't really know how to write this, and it may not all make sense to anyone, but I just need to write it out.

So here it goes....

25 years ago my dad found out he has type 2 diabetes (in his 30's). He has gone threw having both knees replace, and a massive heart attack three years ago.  He is only 57 years old.

And now this weekend he has lost 1/3 of his left foot.

He had an infection, that went horribly wrong and turned into gangrene. He was supposed to only lose his big toe, but during the surgery found out the infection was much worse and the top 1/3 had to be removed. He had signed a do not resuscitate order.

There is no way to describe the feelings that come up when the surgeon comes out and asks you to step into a private room to talk after a surgery. Or how hard it is to watch your dad break down and cry. Knowing this is hard on him, not only for the loss of his foot, but because he knows this is what happened to his dad. Crying on the phone with his sister, when I had to call her and break the news. And then call her again and tell her the outcome.

We are all taking it hard. Probably more so because my grandpa (his dad) had this happen to him. Lost his foot, and he died shortly after. In the month of August.

So to say I am freaking out is an understatement. I have spent the better part of this weekend crying off and on. At weird random times. Although not while at the hospital in front of him.

Today the surgeon will look at it again and decide if they need to take the rest of his foot off. I think the possibility of him losing his whole foot is low since they have taken him off antibiotics for the time being.

I am angry at the foot Dr he was seeing. He went in there 3 days in a row worried about this infection and the Dr wasn't concerned.

Its scary, and there are so many things I am worried about. Trying not to think about my grandpa and hoping the same ending won't happen again.

But where do you go from here? Is he going to be more depressed? If you think about it, how would you feel if you lost a limb? I am devastated, so I can only imagine how he feels.

Is this going to happen to me? Am I going to be the next one to follow in these genetic footsteps? I am almost the age he was when he found out about his diabetes. I am worried for my kids, will they get to know their grandpa? I am worried about my mom. How is she dealing with this?

From the sounds of it, he won't be going home after the hospital, he will have to go to a rehabilitation center and re-learn to walk. Go through physical therapy, perhaps get a prosthetic shoe or foot? I have no idea what they do for this.

In a way I hope he does go to a rehabilitation center instead of having an in home care nurse. They will do more physical therapy with him, and hopefully help him with the depression and feelings of losing a limb, or part of a limb.

My parents aren't going to live forever. And possibly not as long as I would like them to. Unfortunately the very real reality of my parents getting older has hit me at the young age of 27, and now again at 30.