Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Two is so much harder than I thought

Why is going from one child to two so much harder than I thought it would be?

When I found out I was pregnant with Jensen, I cried for 3 days. Not tears of joy like most would think. I cried because there was no way I was ready to have another one. Jakah was only 1 1/2 and I had wanted him to be older before we had another. I just wasn't ready for another kid.

But I was pregnant. And I love Jensen. I am so thankful I have him.

Never in my mind did I think I couldn't take care of him. I thought it would be easy, I've already had a baby, what's one more? I can handle two kids right? How hard can it be?

BUT I feel like I am a new mom with no experience with a baby what so ever. Only with a toddler, who I have no idea what I am doing with either.

What was I thinking two would be easy?

Jensen is completely different than Jakah. Jensen doesn't sleep threw the night. I try giving him a pacifier hoping he will go back to sleep, he hates pacifiers. But its usually an hour of me being up and down in bed trying to get him to stop crying until I just feed him. this happens twice a night. I don't want him to wake everyone else up. And I guess he is actually hungry. But I can't get him to eat more than 5 ounces at a time. Even with rice cereal. He also doesn't nap very much during the day. No matter how much I try.

And Jakah is stubborn, independent and strong-willed. He is going threw a phase (at least I hope its a phase) that is beyond frustrating. He throws tantrums over what he wears. He insists on getting into the car himself, but after 20 minutes of not getting into his seat, I put him in and then he cries the whole way to where ever we are going because he can do it.  He is trying to shake taking a nap. And refuses to sleep, even after being in his room for over 2 hours. But come 5 o'clock he is even more irritable and difficult to deal with.

Yes some of it is a lack of patience on my part. I am equally as stubborn, independent and strong willed. But some of it is, we just need to get moving. It should not take that long to get into the car to just go to the grocery store. Once we are at the store it is tantrum after tantrum. I don't even want to take him out anymore, but know that I have to because he needs to learn how to behave in public. And because I have no one to watch him. I dread taking both of them out.
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And then I feel guilty. Like why can't I do this? Why am I so horrible at being a mom? What is wrong with me? They are just little kids and don't know, it's my job to teach them. But I feel like I can't even do that. I can't be the only one out there that feels like this. Am I?

Maybe its just been a bad couple of weeks, eventually I will get the hang of this right?

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25 comments:

  1. Totally not you...do you know how long it takes for us to get out of the house every morning...45 minutes, and that is almost on a good day. The boy is in almost 2.5 and has an opinion about EVERYTHING, and hates getting ready. This might sound cold, but whenever he starts whining, tantruming or whatever I tell him to leave and let me know when he's done, because I can't stand it and I'm not giving in to whatever he wants. The baby, starting sleeping through the night around 4 months. He seemed like he wanted more in his bottles during the day and that did the trick with him, most of the time...every once and awhile for that first month he'd want an extra bottle of like 4 ounces, but all of that stopped at 5 months. Every kid is different!

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    1. It doesn't sound cold, I send mine to his room when he is whining. It's the worst sound in the world and drives me bat shit crazy!

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  2. Oh honey, you know it is not you! I think that kids were put on this earth to make their parents crazy!
    I promise you it will get easier, but I know that is not helpful right now. (even as I type right now I have to argue with someone about getting dress to go outside... "I DON'T WANT TO," is what I hear! I say I don't $#*@%# care!
    Words of advice: When they make you crazy lock yourself in your room for 5 minutes for a mommy time out and call me! :) We can cry on the phone together!

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    1. I don't remember driving our parents crazy :) LOL Oh our silly kids!

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  3. Yes, yes you will totally get the hang of it. Just like I did. And believe me....I KNOW. There was a time when my 2nd was just under 5 months that I thought my husband was going to have to commit me. Seriously. I thought this is it...he'll call the white coats, haul me off, I'll never see the kids again (I admit, I was briefly happy considering that for a moment)....and hardest of all: he can't possibly love me ever again after the mess I have become.

    All untrue obviously. Except I was coming undone, largely due to the fact I had been averaging about 2 hours sleep a night since the birth. The baby was up at least 4 times, and the toddler would come in when I finally got the baby back to bed. I just went back and forth all night long. Who could function living like that?
    But it does pass. I promise. And you've done the very best first step: talking about it. holding it all in was the worst thing I could have done. It only increased the isolation, the loneliness, the desperation. You are most certainly not alone in your struggles during the adjustment to two!

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    1. I seriously feel like I am going crazy! And yes, once I get one to sleep the other is up. But its good to know that I am not the only one who has gone thru this.

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  4. You will definitely get the hang of it. It takes time but you will figure out what works. Sleep when you can and ask for and accept help.

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    1. I didn't realize it would take this long to adjust, once I feel like I got it, something changes. Such is life right?!

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  5. You are not alone. So many of us have been in your shoes and we will all give you a shoulder when you need one. There is a light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to the pacifier. I know it's dreadful that he doesn't want one right now, but you will be happy that you won't have to break Jensen of it later. Oh, see if the nipple on the bottle doesn't have a small hole. Sometimes babies get fuller with a larger nipple (don't laugh at that - never mind, you need the laugh! Laugh away!)

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    1. I dread breaking Jakah of this pacifier, so yes in a way I am happy Jensen doesn't take it. But sometimes I wish he did lol! And thanks for the nipple laugh :) I tried switching him to a bigger one, but sometimes it drowns him. I do get to start him on solid foods and am hoping that will help

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  6. Stopping by from PYHO - two is definitely much harder, especially when they different personalities! My toddler girl has now hit her DIVA stage, while my son is, well...a boy. You will get the hang of it!

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    1. I have a boy who I feel is being a DIVA LOL! Thanks for stopping by

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  7. oh big hugs my friend!I couldve written this post 11 years ago when i had kenna and nathaniel was 2.it does get better i promise!excuse my typing i'm using only one hand.again...hugs!

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    1. Give that baby girl a hug for me :) And its comforting to know it gets better

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  8. Oh! I so wish I could hug you. Two IS hard. I thought my hardest transition was going from one to two. It's so very hard. And you would think having a large family that I just love every second like some kind of depraved crazy lady. I don't. It's hard and so often I don't feel cut out for it either. Hang in there. The baby will get older and some things will get easier. Of course, others will be harder, but that's just how it goes. Laughing helps. (I love the cartoon.)

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    1. Its just nice to know that I am not going crazy and others feel like this too. I just never imagined it was going to be this hard! Since writing this out things have slowly been getting better, maybe we are getting over one phase and i'm sure will start another one soon. And yes laughs really do help!

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  9. Going from one to two was harder for me than going from two to three. It's a difficult adjustment for everyone. Just keep on- it gets easier, I swear!! Stopping by from the Mommy-Brain Mixer. :)

    -Myndee

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, and its good to hear from more experienced people that it does get easier and that its not just me!

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  10. PRAISE JESUS!! It's not just me then?

    I can relate to all of this. Except that Ingram is the easiest baby ever. But I tell you this - just one little smidge more of fussiness and I would lose my ever-loving mind. Seriously. And Ada? I love her but I don't always like her right now. I feel like an asshole for admitting that but it's true. I dread doing "fun" things with her because I know how much effort it's going to take. I also hate being in the house with her all day because even when she's crabby and obtuse she wants to be within 5 inches of me.

    I don't know how much of this is being 3.5 yo or the move or the new baby. I know she needs my love consistently and I'm trying so hard to do that outwardly. In my head it's a whole other conversation that I have to be careful to not let out. The worst feeling is that when she gets frustrated and acts out I hear my words and see my actions sometimes. I feel so ashamed.

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    1. No its not just you! I think we are in a very similar boat! Although you have a little bit more with the move and all. I'm so glad to hear that Ingram is an easy baby! I swear Jensen's crying gets to me almost as much as my lack of patience with Jakah

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  11. It is an adjustment- don't be so hard on yourself. You'll get the hang of it!

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    1. Just thought it would have happened sooner

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  12. Ah phases. Both a curse and a blessing. Some phases are just plain hard. But the blessing is that they do end, right about the time you figure it out. You will sleep again someday. You will go to the store without tantrums. Just keep telling yourself, "This too shall pass." Oh my word I sound like the old lady that I am. Might as well end with the, "Enjoy them as much as you can. They grow up so fast," bologna that old people are supposed to say.

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    1. Bahahahaha Thanks for the old lady advice :) No really, it does make me feel better knowing it will end, its just a phase and soon we will be onto something else.

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