Why is going from one child to two so much harder than I thought it would be?
When I found out I was pregnant with Jensen, I cried for 3 days. Not tears of joy like most would think. I cried because there was no way I was ready to have another one. Jakah was only 1 1/2 and I had wanted him to be older before we had another. I just wasn't ready for another kid.
But I was pregnant. And I love Jensen. I am so thankful I have him.
Never in my mind did I think I couldn't take care of him. I thought it would be easy, I've already had a baby, what's one more? I can handle two kids right? How hard can it be?
BUT I feel like I am a new mom with no experience with a baby what so ever. Only with a toddler, who I have no idea what I am doing with either.
What was I thinking two would be easy?
Jensen is completely different than Jakah. Jensen doesn't sleep threw the night. I try giving him a pacifier hoping he will go back to sleep, he hates pacifiers. But its usually an hour of me being up and down in bed trying to get him to stop crying until I just feed him. this happens twice a night. I don't want him to wake everyone else up. And I guess he is actually hungry. But I can't get him to eat more than 5 ounces at a time. Even with rice cereal. He also doesn't nap very much during the day. No matter how much I try.
And Jakah is stubborn, independent and strong-willed. He is going threw a phase (at least I hope its a phase) that is beyond frustrating. He throws tantrums over what he wears. He insists on getting into the car himself, but after 20 minutes of not getting into his seat, I put him in and then he cries the whole way to where ever we are going because he can do it. He is trying to shake taking a nap. And refuses to sleep, even after being in his room for over 2 hours. But come 5 o'clock he is even more irritable and difficult to deal with.
Yes some of it is a lack of patience on my part. I am equally as stubborn, independent and strong willed. But some of it is, we just need to get moving. It should not take that long to get into the car to just go to the grocery store. Once we are at the store it is tantrum after tantrum. I don't even want to take him out anymore, but know that I have to because he needs to learn how to behave in public. And because I have no one to watch him. I dread taking both of them out.
And then I feel guilty. Like why can't I do this? Why am I so horrible at being a mom? What is wrong with me? They are just little kids and don't know, it's my job to teach them. But I feel like I can't even do that. I can't be the only one out there that feels like this. Am I?
Maybe its just been a bad couple of weeks, eventually I will get the hang of this right?